Daydreaming

If you’ve been reading my blog, regularly, you know I like to travel. So, as usual, I am sitting in an airport, and am once again, inspired. As I am sitting at my gate, patiently waiting for my delayed plane to land and allow us to board, a family has now sat down beside me. The mother, I presume, straggled behind the others, limping, and using a cane in an attempt to steady herself. She was unsuccessful at being wholly steady, but she had made it to the gate, nonetheless, and with no help from her family members.

I was thinking that the family should have been more aware of her, instead of giving no thought to her struggling behind them while they walked 20 paces ahead... I was thinking that she was unfortunate to be limping. I wondered if she was in pain. I worried that she might fall, and I hoped that she wouldn’t. I moved my book, pointedly making room for her in a closer spot than her family chose, and looking at her with an inviting “please feel free to sit here,” expression.

As I looked up at her with some bit of compassion and sympathy for her plight, she sat beside me and smiled. “This looks like a good spot for daydreaming,” she said, smiling even more broadly, adjusting herself in her chair and resting her cane between the two of us. In that moment, she became my hero, and my example. She wasn’t thinking any of those limiting thoughts I had cast on her. She was focused on new ideas. No wonder her family paid no mind to the limitations I saw. She paid no mind to them, either.

 “Argue for a limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.” – Richard Bach

“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.” – Henry Ford

These are quotes that govern much of my thought. I try to remember and teach that we can be, have, and do absolutely anything we choose. I am completely aware that my thoughts of my own limitations restrict me, unnecessarily. I wonder, though, about what we think others can do. How much of our perception of others’ limitations influence their abilities, their courage, and their determination?

As a nurse, I am careful to guard my words and keep them positive and encouraging, but my thoughts are not always congruent with that. Perhaps I need to guard my thoughts and perceptions as well. It seems plausible that we may just have a moral, social obligation to see the potential in someone and not focus on the apparent infirmity. If we could all see what others can do, instead of feeling pity for what they cannot, (or seemingly cannot), would we subconsciously send an encouraging message? Would our expressions enable them? Would our posture and our offering of opportunities change for the better?

Of course, always looking for the best seems like ignoring the obvious, or minimizing the potential for difficulties, or living in a dream world instead of the real world. But, hey. I’ve heard this is a good spot for daydreaming.

Watch This!

Have you ever noticed how children face challenges? Is it because everything is new to them that they are so undaunted? With a gleeful shout of, “Hey, mom! Watch me!” they commence conquering whatever challenge looms before them. If they fail, they put a finger in the air. “Wait. Watch, mom. Are you watching?” and they try again. When they succeed, they throw their hands in the air, smile brightly, and sing, “Ta-Daaaa!” wearing a smile as wide as their faces.

I wonder when we lose that… Or do we?

Our unit at the hospital is short-staffed. What that means is that stress levels are higher than ever, as conscientious nurses continue to provide exceptional care despite heavier workloads. What is possibly worse is that higher stress levels create a snowball effect, because the nurses we do have succumb to weariness and call-out more often, resulting in even fewer staff available and, yes, even heavier workloads than the ones already increased. I have heard, recently, some of my friends on the unit describe themselves as feeling like “half a nurse,” because they just cannot get everything done they want to do in one shift’s time.  And these feelings are not exclusive to nurses working on a short-staffed unit. Some of us live in this “half a (something)” zone, and have been living in it for some time.

It is at these times when advice like, “take time for yourself,” and “remain in touch with your joy,” seem like hollow mantras meant for those bestowed with the luxury of, well, time and joy. How do you take time for yourself when you have more to do in less time than ever? How do you remain in touch with joy when the only feelings you can sense are ones of frustration, exhaustion, and inadequacy?

Simplify? That’s one solution. Aspire to have a home more like an ashram in Tibet than a three story, dog-filled, television-blaring, suburban refuge for teens and tots. But, no. That doesn’t work. Because the truth is that we like our homes full of that kind of chaos. As for our jobs… we like them to challenge us, force us to the edge of our personal limitations, and test our fortitude. As much as we might complain, these are our lives. Heavy workloads, huge challenges, financial stressors. And these are our lives because this is how we like them to look. Like the children we once were, we like facing challenges. We like the fulfillment of a good workout, the feeling of success when we meet our deadlines, and the relief that comes when the stress is lifted, if only for a moment. We like to share with our friends what difficulties we faced (“Hey, mom! Watch this!”), and laugh with our families about when we stumbled, but returned to our feet (“Wait. Watch, mom. Are you watching?”). These are the things that build our self-esteem and make us proud. These are the things we use as examples, later. These are the things that give us cause to celebrate. “Ta-daaaa!”

So, maybe the next time you are in the middle of everything that is stressing you, exhausting you, or making you feel like “half a ______ (fill in the blank: nurse, manager, wife, father, leader, etc.),” the key to remaining in touch with your joy is remembering that you once were a child. And like the child you once were, you still want to be shown your current limits so that you can push past them. And you CAN push past them, and do more than you thought you could do. No, I don’t think we’ve ever lost the childlike ability to face challenges. Maybe the only thing we’re missing is “Hey! Watch this!” and “Ta-Daaaa!”  

Surprises

Why do we laugh at streakers? Delight in big, red bow adorned packages left at our doorsteps? Find amusement in punch lines that we don’t expect? And rave about the little, run-down, dingy, mom & pop diner that has the most incredible tiramisu in all the land? I think it’s because, deep down, we find that joy bubbles up easily through surprises. As I get older, I think I enjoy them even more than I did when I was a child. Maybe that’s because when I was a child, everything was new, and now, experiencing something I don’t expect is rare. That, in itself, makes a surprise even more surprising, doesn’t it?

I know people who say they don’t like surprises. Maybe it’s because their experience with surprises is something like, “I didn’t expect my wife to cheat on me,” or “My father died so suddenly…” or “I assumed I’d retire from this plant, and they announced today that they are closing the doors.” These are not the surprises that inspire joy at all, of course, but should we allow these things to prejudice us against all surprises?

Perhaps it’s a question of ratios. Maybe people who still delight in surprises have experienced more good than bad surprises, and those who hate surprises have experienced the opposite. I wonder if we could make a point of stacking the deck in favor of surprises. What if we concentrated on surprising one person each day. Maybe we send a greeting card to someone who hasn’t heard from us in awhile. Or, answer our personal phone with, “Thank you, so much, for calling! I’m feeling fabulous, today, how are you feeling?”

It really doesn’t matter how we do it. I just think it might be more fun to think about surprises if most of them were of this joy-inspiring variety. If the fun surprises start to outnumber the not-so-fun ones, maybe we could remove that little bit of apprehension and dread that some of us feel when we think of being surprised.

Plus, you, the surprise-er, would get to hear, “Oooo, what a nice surprise!”

And then: Oh, LOOK! There is joy! Bubbling up for both of you from right in the middle of a surprise.

    

Jumping

Well, this was the week of the first Living in Joy Seminar and Workshop. Of course, I have to take a minute in my blog to thank everyone who came, and everyone who, though they were not able to attend, wished me well in my first attempt to live one of my life-visions. I am truly overwhelmed at the support and encouragement that I received throughout the entire process! You are all such a blessing to me, it's no wonder I live a life in touch with my joy!

I have to admit, though, that completing this workshop it wasn't easy for me. In fact, there were a couple of times that I wished I had not given myself so much time between when I announced the seminar and the actual date of the event. I was trying to be a very thoughtful planner, but during that time span, I nearly cancelled three times, thinking that I would reschedule the date for a time when I would be more prepared. The truth is I was never going to be more prepared than I was on Wednesday. Not because I was so perfectly ready, or because I had every resource I thought I might need, or even because I had so many people attending. I would never be more prepared, because I am a Jumper.

There are people who are Waders, and people who are Jumpers. Waders walk toward the water, assessing, preparing, taking off their shoes and rolling up their pant legs. They are looking for stingrays and jellyfish, and anything else that might be a threat. They have a towel with them and have secured their valuables on land. When they put their toes in the water, they are fairly well assured that they will be able to play and splash and enjoy in peace. They are brilliant, in my estimation, and very often have the most pleasant wading experiences. I sometimes wish I was a Wader.

But I am not. I have the most difficult time making it into the water using this method. I get distracted by the idea of stopping for ice cream, or imagining there are sharks just out of my line of site. I think maybe I should wait until I'm wearing shorts... or better yet, a swim suit. I might touch my toes to the water and decide it’s too cold, or worry about what to do after my feet are wet and I’m walking to the car, sand sticking to them all the way. Given the chance to think, there are so many reasons to quit! If I expect to make it into the water, I have to run as fast as I can and jump off the end of the pier. I’ll figure out the rest once I’m in the water.  

I don't think there is anything wrong with being either a Wader or a Jumper, and none of us are able to assess for another which method is best. The world is full of Waders who have been talked into jumping. Had they planned, they might have been very successful and happy in the journey. Instead, they nearly drown, because Waders who jump don't adapt well and never really recover. On the other hand, there are also plenty of Jumpers who have been cautioned to wade. Jumpers who wade, get stuck in the planning, in all the reasons not to do something, virtually paralyzed by fears, and never move forward.

So, I ask you, today...  Are you a Wader or a Jumper? There’s nothing wrong with planning every detail, provided you continue to move forward. If you get stuck in the planning, however, that’s a sure sign you are a Jumper who is trying to be a Wader. The only cure for that is to set aside your excuses, which you’ve cleverly disguised as reasons why you can’t, and just go for it. Don’t worry. Jumpers are experts at adjusting.

To all of my first-ever seminar attendees: thank you for letting me, the Jumper, finally quit talking about what I want to do, wading around in the ideas and planning stages, and just jump.

 And to all Jumpers trying to be Waders: just jump in, the water’s fine!