Living In Joy

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Imposing Conditions

I am a Christian… a real-live, educated, questioning, faithful and skeptical Christian. I wonder about which parts of Scripture to take literally, and which parts to read like parables, and I think God doesn’t mind that I wonder. I think He’s glad I’m using the curiosity He instilled in me to find out more about my relationship with Him. I pray and cry out to God in my desperate moments and I laugh and thank Him out loud in my happiest of times. Sometimes, I shake my head and roll my eyes, and say toward the sky,  “Are you kidding me? What is this about?” in pure disgust, and do you know what? He doesn’t seem to be a bit intimidated by my irritations.

I know He knows me, because He made me, but I can feel that He knows me, because I let Him be with me. I don’t save pieces of sacred time to be reverent, and then un-invite Him into my less proud moments. He’s been there when I’ve dotted my speech with expletives and when I’ve felt so much animosity I wanted to spit on a person. He knows I have trouble with forgiveness, and He has, <gasp!> seen me drunk. I have spent time with Him walking in nature and being in awe of His greatness, and I have been silly and giddy at some of the fun things He has allowed me to see, feel, smell, hear and taste in this world.

I love Him. And I’m not ashamed of Him. But I have to say, I’m not going to forward an email just because it says that if I don’t, I’m not really a Christian. When I receive these emails, almost no matter how cool the content, I don't forward it. It's the principle of the thing. I will not be manipulated by some email authors determination that if his email doesn't go viral, then it must have landed in the hands of non-Christians. Yet, some part of me, some tiny voice from deep in the dark corners of doubt, says, "If you are not ashamed of Him, why don't you pass this on?"

I think that the imposition of conditional requirements may be one of the great joy thieves of our time. If we are not driving the right car, we’re not cool. If we aren’t thin enough, we aren’t pretty. If we don’t get a promotion, we aren’t smart. If one, particular person doesn’t love us, we aren’t lovable. Please. There is a big difference between evaluating what might be improved and allowing yourself to grow, and chastising yourself and making a lot of unhelpful conditional judgments. In one case, the If-Then is an acknowledgement of action preceding consequence, which, in this world, sometimes holds true. (If I put my bare hand on a hot stove, for example, then I will burn my hand.) The opposite of the evaluative If-Then, however, is the incorrect assertion that some action indictates some permanent and subjective condition. Be careful so that you don’t allow all of the email-like thoughts that come into your mental Inbox to have an “If… then you would,” attached.

For this week, try to hear yourself every time you say, think, or hear, “If… then…” Sometimes, it’s an important way to review action and consequence. Sometimes, though, it’s just a manipulation tactic with relatively little basis in truth. Can you tell the difference?

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day, 2012


Have you seen the “You’re Doing Ok Mom,” Johnsons Baby commercial? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yotq4zr0dRc)

There really should be one for moms of older kids, too, like one that I might have written when I was in middle school, which could have gone like this:

… I can call you mom, right? I mean, you’re not still mad about that whole screaming and slamming my door thing, are you? I know we’ve known each other about thirteen years now, and I think I know everything, and I hate everything that comes out of your mouth, but you seem like a real keeper. You’re not perfect, (there was that whole not-letting-me-get-my-ears-pierced thing), but you’re trying.

You ask me if I’m ok when I’m sulking, even though you know I’m going to say, “I’m fine, leave me alone!” and that’s highly important to a thirteen year old. You hum while we’re doing chores together and pretend you don’t notice that I’m acting like a brat, slamming things around as if I’m very put out to have to pick up my own socks. So cool. And when I’m laying face down on my bed, crying about the ‘mean girls’ or my latest boyfriend fiasco, the way you rub my head and tell me it will be ok is out of this world.

Anyway, I want you to know how much I appreciate you. You know, right, how much I love you? You’re doing ok, mom.

Or, maybe there should be one for now:

… I am so glad I get to call you my mom. We’ve known each other over 40 years now, and you are definitely a keeper. I’m not perfect, but am closer to that because of everything you’ve taught me over the years. And I’m trying (to be more like you).

You pick me up when I’m feeling less than great about myself. That’s the high art of comfort only a mother could provide. You hum to the radio when we’re in the car together. So cool. And your hugs are out of this world.

Anyway, I want you to know how much I appreciate you. You know, right, how much I love you? You’re doing ok, mom.

Happy Mother’s Day to moms all over the world, and especially my own.

You’re doing ok.