Resources, Part 7: Your Community

Have you ever given much thought to how you want to experience yourself through the groups of people, not just individuals or individual circumstances? Because human beings are social animals, we will never be satisfied in isolation. Embracing the concept of belonging to a community means considering your own role in the communities to which you most belong. What do you want to give your community (or communities)? What do you want to take from it?

Your idea of the community to which you belong and relate may be different than someone else’s. For example, I have a dear friend who does world-wide, medical mission trips. Her idea of community includes the entire worldly experience of mankind. The idea of the community I choose to affect comes in much smaller groups, like my coworkers or my close friends. Neither is more correct than another. There are schools of thought that suggest our influences role out in concentric circles, and that we cannot expect to change the world, if our own households are a mess. And there are people who, recognizing that “a prophet has no honor in his own country,” begin at the outer edges of the world and move inward. At the most basic level, it’s helpful to decide to which camp you most likely belong, in order to choose your own activities and level involvement in the various communities that surround you (work, church, neighborhood, etc.).    

Once you identify what group(s) to which you most sense you belong, then it’s time to identify your own role within those groups: voyeur or activist? King or soldier? Gracious host or guard at the door? Some combination of any or all of these? Who, again, do you most want to be? How do you want to experience yourself in your community? What do you have to gain or offer?

After you’ve given this some thought, you might just check out the few resources I have, below, each designed for connecting with community members. Naturally, your online community of FaceBook is one example of reaching out and remaining connected, but I am going to encourage you to go a step further and involve yourself, physically, in your communities, however you define them.

Interested in making a difference in an area within twenty miles of your home? Go to http://www.sixdegrees.org/ for Six Degrees, an organizational initiative of Kevin Bacon’s, and do a volunteer search.

Learning to speak French? Interested in books? Collect buttons? Ever hear of Meetup (http://www.meetup.com/)? This brilliant website goes beyond dating sites and social networks to help you find groups in your area that share your interests.

The point is that we do not live in a vacuum. In fact, research shows that much of our depression is spawned by our lack of feeling connected to the communities and people around us. If you want to protect yourself from that, if you truly want to live in joy, don’t let yourself live in isolation. Choose a community, and get involved!   

Resources Part 6: Spirituality

If you’ll remember, before the holidays, we were investigating resources for our seven major life areas. I hope you’ve enjoyed some of the other resources I’ve shared and they’ve been useful. As we talk about Spirituality, the best I can do is share what I do, when I’m feeling much too tied to the physical world around me and I notice that all I’ve been trying to do is run faster, work harder, worry about money more, fuss in traffic…

I continue to espouse that “Living in Joy,” means thoroughly experiencing and enjoying this life, this playground-world, this land of opportunity to live absolutely anything we choose. However, there is no denying that, sometimes, it feels like life is just one brick wall, one pitfall, one chore, challenge or frustration after another. What happens when I’m fully invested in my five senses and they are all telling me I’m over-tired and under-appreciated? That is when I remember that I am, however mysteriously, more than this body and mind, more than these five senses. There is some part of me from where courage, peace within chaos, and inspiration come. That, my dear friends, is Spirituality. My five senses may be dulling with age, but my spirit is still vibrant, if I can just feed it, feel it and allow it to run loose through me. So, here are my three favorite strategies:

Be Quiet. William Penn said, “True silence is rest of the mind. It is to the spirit what sleep is to the body: nourishment and refreshment.” So, part of feeding my spirit may be silence: a restful walk through nature or a quiet room with candle lighting. One of the best ways to get in touch with my own inspiration and inner voice is to just be quiet. Can you begin your day without the radio? Without the television? With a smile on your lips but no words coming out of them? You’ll be surprised what you can hear when you are not talking. Take a vow of silence for an hour or an afternoon.

Read. I also read Scripture. When I do, I read a short passage and then journal. Have you ever tried this? My method is to summarize on the page what I just read, then write a commentary, my “observations,” where I ask myself and pray, “How does this apply to me, right now, today?” I ask, and then I start writing whatever I’m thinking. Sometimes, I write, “Ok. I don’t get it.” But sometimes, I do “get it,” and the thoughts I have feel as if they are straight from God, or at least some translation of my own spirit’s voice. If you ever wondered how to read and make sense of the Bible, this is my recommendation.

Surround Yourself. In contrast to the silence or reading options, the other thing that feeds my spirit is the love and friendship of people. When I have friends around me, just their presence, whatever we may be doing, makes me feel connected. I am particularly content when I see my friends gathered together in my own home. So, believe it or not, my best resource for Spirituality, from my perspective, is not a meditation book, a CD of Tibetan chants, or a website for purchasing candles and bubble bath (though those are all good ideas…). It’s www.evite.com. Go ahead… pick a theme, and invite some people over to share your world. It’s a great way to remind yourself that your contribution to this world does matter, that you are not too tired to have friends, and that you are appreciated, after all. Surround yourself with a few of the people you love.

I have no doubt that you have strategies of your own for allowing your spirit to breathe. I’d love to hear them. And if you try any of my strategies, I’d love to hear about that, too! Happy connecting!

For the Happiest New Year

I love this time of year. It means holidays and holiday parties, getting together with friends and family, and having a reason to eat and shop! J I especially love that “The Holiday Season,” begins with Thanksgiving, passes through Christmas, and ends with a New Year. It seems to me like that should be the model for how we approach every day. In that spirit, here is how I want to spend the first 5 minutes of every morning of 2012:

First, I’m going to practice Thanksgiving by being thankful for another day to spend with friends, family, co-workers and other comrades who are essentially facing the same life-struggles and celebrations I am.

Then, like on Christmas day, I’m going to remind myself that I am loved, saved, and gifted, and I’m going to resolve to express my hope, joy and peace, wherever the day takes me.

Finally, as I do when I face the coming New Year, I’m going to rejoice in all of the possibilities that lie within the coming 24 hours: all of the things that I want to do differently, all of the things I’d like to keep the same, all of the miraculous events I cannot even imagine from where I stand at the beginning of my day.

Maybe this is what it means to “make every day a holiday.” From now on, I’m going to make every day three of them.

Thank you, so much, for your support and encouragement over this last year. I hope each of you and your families had a very merry Christmas, and will have a joyful and remarkable 2012!

Resources Part 5: Your Finances

Resources: Part 5 – Finance

I often talk in my seminars about how we use the phrase, “…but I don’t have the money,” as an excuse for not living our perfect dream life, more often than we really should. “I would quit my job, if I didn’t need the money…” or “I would go to Italy, but I don’t have the money…” or “I would go back to school, if I only had the money…” Sound familiar? The worst part about this is that this kind of thinking actually puts money in charge of our dreams, and takes the power completely away from us. I submit to you that rarely in our lives is there an actual lack of money, and that what we are more likely to lack is the creativity, the relationships, or the “want to,” to really go for what we think we want.

When you consider your finances, please remember that money is just dirty, little pieces of paper that we have all agreed to trade for things we really want. However, don’t you have other things of value you could trade? Essentially, we have completely lost track of the fact that we live within a barter system. Our financial brains don’t even process that way, anymore. But what if they did? What if you looked at all of the things that you have to offer, and started offering them? What could you get in return?

Consider someone whose dream it is to be a chef, but who doesn’t, “have the money,” to chase that dream. Since groceries are one of the expenses everyone has, how about this: Find a working mother/wife who would love to have dinner on the table when she gets home. Combine both people’s grocery lists, so that, for the price of a few extra groceries, the mother could avoid the store and the cooking, while the would-be chef shops and cooks for her. The chef gets to live his/her dream and have groceries in the house, and the wife/mother gets to live her dream of having dinner on the table when she gets home. It doesn’t replace the need for that job that earns a living, but it’s a start.   

This is just one thought for you. I hope you can imagine how it might play out in your world with your dreams. While I’ve bartered things like tutoring other students in nursing courses in exchange for credit hours from the college, and painting walls  in exchange for the supplies I needed to repair my own home, I’m not oblivious to the fact that some things just demand the cash. I haven’t yet found a way to barter with the electric company, for example. Therefore, I’ve listed, below, a few of the resources I’ve used to help me improve my relationship with money, so that I can be better at saving and budgeting.  

Author of “Finish Rich,” David Bach has http://finishrich.com/lattefactor/, which includes his incredible, eye-opening quiz. You may be sitting on a gold mine, and not even realize it.

One of the most popular and successful money gurus?  www.daveramsey.com. After all, who better to tell you how to get out from under debt and looming bankruptcy than someone who has been there?

And the classic, “Rich Dad , Poor Dad,” by Robert Kiyosaki is a must read, if you really want to understand how to make and keep money around you. You can find this book used, on Amazon, for just a couple of dollars.    

Think about bartering, and think about how to take more control of your own financial picture. Before you know it, you will be controlling your finances instead of letting your finances dictate to you.

Resources, Part 4 - Your Health

Resources: Part 4 – Health

When it comes to my physical health, proper diet and exercise, I struggle. It’s not the lack of knowing what to do. Essentially, maintaining physical health boils down to three things: physical activity, nutrition, and proper rest. The rest part I get. What about activity and nutrition? I know I should walk and stretch and run and play. I know I should eat fresh produce and lean protein sources. I don’t. and I don’t know why it feels so difficult to me. As for Health Resources then, I can only tell you some of the things that periodically help me stay on track, admit to you that I struggle, and ask you to also share your resources with me.

First, let me start by saying that I absolutely relate to Elizabeth Gilbert’s summary of her relationship to calories. Enjoy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZY86k2NjTY for a little perspective. (In case you are a man reading this, just know that no woman will “ask you to leave” either.) As it turns out, we are really the only ones cruelly measuring ourselves against Victoria’s Secret and Guess jean models. If I had a friend who talked to me the way I talk to myself when I look in the mirror after my shower, I’d ditch her and eat an entire pint of Haagen Dazs in protest.

Next, I like this quote by nutritionist Adele Davis: “Every day, you do one of two things: build health or produce disease in yourself.” I have aced college courses on anatomy and physiology, pharmacokinetics, and nutrition. You would think I would have known this. For some reason, though, the statement Ms. Davis makes is so inflexible that it immediately changed how I viewed my responsibility to my own health. I lived on the premise that I was either doing something good for me, or I wasn’t. I had never thought, until reading this, “I’m either doing something that is good for me, or I am actively producing disease. There is no neutral.” 

I also like the incredible book series, “Eat This, Not That,” (Zinczenko & Goulding). If you haven’t seen these books, find them! The authors have investigated fast food restaurants, children’s favorites, the frozen food isle, even our own cupboards, to help direct us to the “best” food choices. These books are of the, “If you are going to eat a burger and fries (which you know, at some point, I am going to do), eat THIS burger and fries,” variety. Accept my own preferences, and make better choices. Brilliant!

My last resource, but perhaps the most powerful, is a lesson in treating the whole mind, body and spirit with care and respect. Carolyn Myss’s, “Anatomy of the Spirit,” (http://www.myss.com) can be a pretty heavy exploration into metaphysical concepts like chakras and archetypes, so they’re not for everyone. However, if you can relate on any level to the phrase, “You are what you think,” then her work, founded on years of study and research, shouldn’t be missed.    

I am absolutely positive that my continuing to Live in Joy will be easier with the aid of a healthy, strong and flexible body. These resources help me, but they haven’t yet made me jump out of bed when my alarm sounds at 5am and rush to the gym. If any of you have solutions or things that motivate you, please do share. And, as always, have a wonderful, healthful week!  

Resources: Part 3 - Your Home

“Home is where the heart is.”

 The sentiment is an old one, first penned by Pliny the Elder (23-79 A.D.). It’s not difficult to imagine that he, a naval commander of the Roman Empire, may have been longing to feel safe and loved, just as we do now. However, while I freely acknowledge and celebrate that any location filled with the comfort of friends and family can make a person feel “at home,” I also believe that the physical structure of your Home plays its own part in comforting your heart. As physical beings, our surroundings, though material in nature, can have a profound effect on our ability to remain in contact with our joy. How much ambient noise there is, how soft or hard the flooring, how fluffy the pillows, how open the kitchen, how light the rooms… all of these things count toward making our Home part of the best life we can imagine.

Can you define what “captures your heart” or makes you comfortable in a home? Unfortunately, some of us spend time wishing for bigger houses without really giving any thought to what makes a Home comfortable to us. This week, I want to offer you some resources for making your house more “Homey.”

First: Decide what you like and what says, “Home,” to you. What pieces do you already have that you will never live without? What artwork, dishes, or home-made pieces make you smile, every time you see or touch them? Walk around your current house. Take your time looking around. Pay attention to the place you naturally spend the most time. What do you like about that space? What do you not like?

Next: Consult the experts. There are some pretty simple “rules,” about what feels good to most people in the way of positioning furniture, setting your lighting, etc. www.interiorholic.com is a favorite website for rules and inspiration. When in doubt, contact a decorator. You don’t have to be rich to have a consultation. Experienced, trained decorators can walk into a room and almost immediately see what it needs to feel warmer, more livable, or more “user-friendly.” At $85-$150 per hour, having them come into your home and give you some ideas of how to achieve your “homey feeling” is a lot cheaper than buying the wrong couch. Just set the timer, so you can stay within your budget, and take lots of notes.

After That: Rearrange, paint or shop, as needed. I like to browse the big furniture stores and then check www.craigslist.com to see if I can any favorite items cheaper. Also, don’t forget your discount stores like Ross, Marshall’s, or TJ Maxx. I have found some of the most fabulous pieces for a little bit of nothing at these places. And, if you’re contemplating a large purchase, be patient and wait for a sale.

Finally: Live in your Home. There is something about food on the stove and in the refrigerator that makes your house feel different. Invite people over. Sit on your furniture and read or visit. It wasn’t until I invited people over to the apartment I live in now that I realized I was missing some important pieces. I didn’t have adequate seating, and I didn’t have anything, like the throw pillows I like so much, that felt welcoming. As it turns out, I needed those things as much for myself as for my company. And finally, nearly a year after moving-in, I recognize my apartment as my Home. Why? Because now it is what I expect a home to be: a welcoming environment for me and my friends.

 Have fun, and enjoy your Home!

Resources: Part 2 - Your Relationships

Resources: Part 2 – Relationships

Have you ever noticed that every relationship you have gives you an opportunity to experience a very different side of yourself? For example: The pieces of my personality that I get to experience in my most intimate relationship, like the part of me that is sensual and vulnerable, aren’t appropriate parts of my own persona to explore within my workplace. (Obviously.) By the same token, I don’t get to experience myself as an expert in giving subcutaneous injections, as part of my trusted relationship with patients, outside of my healthcare workplace (a fact for which all of my social friends are grateful). And sometimes, it feels as if a relationship only exists to give me an opportunity to practice my patience (like my relationship with the BMV clerk). Ultimately, I need all of these relationships in order to truly experience the whole of who I am: a combination of diverse strengths, skills and emotions. When we are missing opportunities to experience our best selves, or pieces of our best selves, we feel a void.

Because my relationships are so varied in nature, the resources I’ve used to strengthen my relationships have had to be equally varied. Improving basic, technical skills associated with your job can inspire the trust of your clients. Outside of that, however, is a vast world of information, new ideas, and reminders for how to communicate and relate to yourself and others in a way that strengthens your relationship bonds. Below is a list of some of the sources I use regularly, along with others that have made a definite impact on how I treat people, and how I allow myself to be treated.

1. My Favorite Website:  http://www.ted.com/: TED is an organization that finds “Ideas Worth Spreading.” The site contains videos from TED conferences, where some of the greatest thinkers of our time have presented ideas and concepts related to things as technical as nuclear energy and as basic as saying, “Thank you.”  http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/laura_trice_suggests_we_all_say_thank_you.html, and  http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/benjamin_zander_on_music_and_passion.html.

2. Blogs I Follow: Guidance, Growth and Grace, by MaryAnne Banich, which explores our relationship with ourselves and the world around us, at http://blog.guidancegrowthandgrace.com/.

And Monte King’s blog, “Just a Thought,” which is often focused on our relationships with others and the Divine, at http://web.me.com/monteking/Monte_King_Counseling/Blog/Blog.html.

3. Books I Recommend: John C. Maxwell with Jim Dornan, Becoming a Person of Influence, which is a brilliant text about interacting positively with others. And Mutant Message Down Under, by Marlo Morgan, which is a striking, true story (and quick read) about our individual relationship with the world and humankind. Also, The Holy Bible. Let’s face it: nothing describes the best and worst parts of any relationship better than The Bible.

There must be thousands of books written every year that address relationships in some form or another. I’ve read a lot of them and will continue to do so, but these three are the ones from which I continue to gain insight. I have found that I cannot apply every suggestion at once, so I choose the things I can change, immediately, to make the most positive impact on my relationships with others, then I re-read these books from time to time to get something else I can use. I hope you find these resources as helpful, or at least intriguing, as I have. Enjoy your Relationships!