Less with More

Less with More

I have some friends who are still in their 20’s & 30’s. They help me remember optimism. When I was that young (and that old), I remember that I had the clarity to realize that the world held every opportunity and that I was completely equipped to take advantage of all of them. I was aware that any decision I made could be reversed if it wasn’t right for me. I could scrap a career and start over, if I wanted. I could have a relationship, decide it wasn’t working, and walk away. Somewhere after I turned 40, however, that perception changed. I started to evaluate myself in a different way, believing that my choices were now more limited, that I needed to have been more “settled” by now, that I needed to have used all of the gifts with which I have been blessed in some more meaningful way. I felt somewhat ashamed to have not made a larger contribution to the world than I had, given that I am so advantaged.

When I shared these thoughts with a friend of mine, he said, “I know what you mean! I’ve done less with more than anybody I know!”

Although he was at least half joking, that statement exactly summarized how I felt. In fact, I wonder if it’s not exactly that sentiment that describes many of our mid-life insecurities, as we scrutinize where we have been, what we have done or not done, and where we may have fallen short. Most of us have been blessed beyond measure with talent, opportunity, kindness, friendships, education, and other advantages too numerous to mention. On some level, we recognize that and cannot believe we haven’t accomplished more. We may also see some of the things that we perceive have held us back in some way, and we have resentments that we may not know how to reconcile or forgive. It’s a constant balancing act between the self-chastising that comes from knowing we “could have, but didn’t” and the victim-thinking of, “if only [someone or something] wouldn’t have sabotaged my efforts.”

I also have some friends who are now in their 50’s & 60’s. They, too, help me remember optimism. They talk to me about their own struggle with this balancing act of self-recrimination and evaluation, and how they have now forgiven themselves and others. They have become settled in their own skin. They have recognized that life is not something that should be evaluated as something we should have “won” by now. They seem to accept that there is always more to be done, that there are always dreams to chase, that there are always going to be limiting factors and road blocks that can be either navigated or removed, and that navigating or removing them is always a choice. My friends who have made it through this challenge of looking around and saying, “Oh! I should have done [something] by now,” and then saying, “It’s ok. I have. And I have not. And I am still alive, so I am still living,” are my inspiration. 

Because I have these friends, the younger ones who inspire me to be wide-eyed and excited about what the world has to offer, the “my-age” friends who “get me,” and the things that vex me, and my older friends who teach me to enjoy the relaxed comfort of settling into my own life and stride, I think I might just avert my “Mid-Life Crisis,” and simply have a mid-life. And today I have recognized that, of all of the “more,” I’ve been given, the most important of these things has been these diverse friends who help me dream, see, and enjoy. Thank you to all of you! Be with your friends, this week, and enjoy wherever you are on your life’s journey… it is both full of promise and excitement, and also waiting to be simply lived.