For quite some months, my most authentic self has been saying, “I
want to be in better shape, more ready to face the world with a strong body and
mind.” I’ve really been trying to determine why, when I know I feel better when
I take care of myself, I am not motivated to do it. So, I listened to my
thoughts just after I said, “I am going to eat better and walk every day.”
Almost immediately, my inner Child said, “Ok. But can we have
candy first? I’ve been very good, today and I know where there is a Payday bar
with your name on it!”
And my Saboteur said, “You know you want this bag of Doritos. Why
don’t you just go for a walk after you eat this bag of Doritos,” negotiating
road blocks into my path.
And my Victim spoke out and said, “You had a really hard day at
work, today. And people have been mean to you. You really deserve to check out
the new Five Guys burger place. Delicious!”
And then, my inner Prostitute said, “It’s totally worth trading your self-esteem for food. How much damage can one little quesadilla do? I’m hungry. And a girl’s gotta’ eat.”
Normally, any one of those reasons would have allowed me to
cheerfully reach for a snack and nestle into the sofa. Yesterday and today, however,
I said to my Child, “Yes, you have been a very good girl, so I’m going to go
out and play with you.” Then I went for a walk.
And to my saboteur I said, “I might like that bag of Doritos, but
I’ll decide after my walk,” after which I was pleased to find I didn’t feel
like a bit like eating a bag of Doritos.
And to my victim I said, “You’re right. I have been mistreated,
today, so now I will make my own decisions.” I decided that I need a strong,
healthy body to pursue my real dreams.
And to my prostitute I said, “No. We don’t have to compromise,
today. We’ll eat a delicious meal after the walk, and won’t have to trade
anything, at all.”
It’s interesting to me, to recognize all of the parts of me weighing-in
on my decisions. Not just in the area of exercise, but in all areas of my life.
My list of excuses is extensive and always at the ready. In Christianity, we call
it human frailty or sin. Flip Wilson famously said, "The Devil made me do it!" Carolyn calls it archetypes. Either
way, I have to say that it feels pretty great to be in charge, for once,
standing up to all my excuses and saying, “Yeah. That’s a good thought, but it’s
not holding water, today. Let’s move on with reckless abandon toward living my
dreams, instead.”
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