Living In Joy

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Happy Everyday

Yesterday was my birthday, the day that marks another year passing and makes me think of what I have done and hope to still do in this lifetime. I am not oblivious to the fact that I am closer to 50 now than to 40, or that I have reached something that must be nearly the halfway point of my life. Sometimes, I can feel a little confused and disappointed by this. On the other hand, there are also great benefits to aging. For example, the things that threw me into great despair at 20 years old, aren’t even close to making the cut, these days, and I am amazed at all of the opportunities I’ve been given to learn something that actually makes every day a little bit easier. I’m sure I must have thousands of bits of wisdom tucked away in some corner of my mind, just waiting for me need them. Here are the top 10 that I can recall without much provocation:

10.          Egg slicers do not work on onions.
9.            On any day that it really matters, take an extra pair of panty hose with you, because you WILL get a run.

8.            There are no days when “it really matters” if you get a run.

7.            Cheap, aerosol hairspray gets ink out of fabric.

6.            If you loan someone money and you never see them again, it’s money well spent. 
(On the other hand: Gel eyelashes cost $200, last only two weeks, and don’t look any different than wet eyelashes.)

5.            Hearts that don’t break because you hide them are no less lonely than broken ones, but they get cheated of all the fun beforehand.   
          
4.            The appropriate response to the oil light illuminating the dashboard of your car is not, “Oh, look at that cute little Jeanie lamp!”

3.            Almost nothing is so bad that a nap can’t help to fix it.

2.            We all have friends and advocates we don’t even know we have, and they are probably saying something nice about us, even right now.

And the number one thing getting older has taught me:

1.            You will be disappointed that you are not further ahead until you realize that neither are you further behind.
Cheers to living our lives for the very purpose of loving with reckless abandon, learning with an unquenchable thirst, and seeking to experience every emotion and possibility our particular paths provide.
Happy Everyday, everyone!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

The List

MSN.com is really stepping it up. I like that they aren’t all bad news. This week, they decided to post a “Build Your Own Bucket List,” link. Sure I have a list. But I was mighty curious to see what their prescription for me was going to be, since I can always use a little more inspiration, and they have some pretty great ideas. (http://living.msn.com/life-inspired/life-unleashed/20-things-everyone-should-do-at-least-once#1)

How many of the things on the list have you already done?
How many of them would have made it on your Bucket List, if you would have thought of it?

This is an exercise really worth doing. If you haven’t already made your list of 20 things you’d most like to experience in this lifetime, it’s time to make it. And if you have made one, it’s time to cross of what you’ve done, give yourself credit, and add more to complete the list, again, because it’s very important to have something you can put into your own hands, periodically, to remind you of your own passions.
Remember how I said last week that I had accidentally fallen into a routine, and scarcely given thought to the things that most excite me? And I was paying the price, too. I wasn’t particularly happy, even though I wasn’t sad, either. And I wasn’t feeling like I could even write about living joyfully, because I wasn’t having much fun. What cured me? My list.

When you have a list, you can see where you are going. Your work that may seem mundane, now, will suddenly have a purpose! Your relationship that may have drifted toward distant will come alive, again! Your list will help you find your enthusiasm, and through enthusiastic eyes, everything looks new and attainable.
Lynn Grabhorn talks about the Law of Attraction and how a person in touch with his own excitement will feel like he is virtually vibrating. She says that is when good things start to happen: coincidences will place the people you most need right into your path, timing falls into perfect step with you, and ideas seem to pour into your brain as if from a wide-open spigot. It’s a bit like prayer and faith. Formulate the idea, then start getting excited about it, because it’s going to happen.

So, how do you get to vibrating? How do you get in touch with your own excitement? You think about which of these incredible gifts on this amazing playground of a planet you’d most like to experience. Suddenly, like a giddy child waiting for Christmas, you’ll find your own delight!
How about it? Ready to make a list? Let’s start with the one MSN made. I’m going to add to it, “Take the train tour through Alaska.” (http://www.princesslodges.com/alaska-rail-tours.cfm)

What would you like to add?

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Fun vs. Joy

Have you ever invited someone into your home, and discovered as you met them at the door and brought them inside that you were suddenly seeing your home through their eyes? Have you been two steps ahead, picking up a blanket that was crumpled at the back of the sofa, or stacking mail and placing it in a drawer, for example? These things don’t bother you. You live with them. You barely notice them. But when you see them, suddenly, through the eyes of someone who may be taking it all in for the first time, you really see them. And you think, in a split second, “This isn’t as good as it could be. Let me make some adjustments.”

This just happened to me with someone who came to visit me after 30 years. Only it wasn’t my actual house I felt compelled to get in order, it was my proverbial house. This well-meaning friend asked me the simplest question of all: what do you do for fun? I had no answer. I love to enjoy the company of my friends at parties or over a glass of wine, and I appreciate feeling challenged at work, but what, praytell, do I do, exactly, for fun?
I suppose what I find most interesting about this is the fact that I have been doing research and setting goals and working my own Living in Joy plan for awhile now.  I’m in touch with Joy, per se, meaning that “all is well,” undercurrent that allows me to enjoy every experience for what it is, comfortable and uncomfortable, alike. It took awhile to get there, and I’m glad to report not only that I do, indeed, live in Joy, but that I am also delighted to be able to share that learning with anyone who is interested. But what about fun?  

One good thing about my Living in Joy work is that I have already answered the very difficult question, “What would you do, if you could do anything at all.” As it turns out, that puts me ahead of the game. I went back to my original answers to that very important question and found my list. I want to swim with dolphins. I want to write and travel and speak. I want to play guitar and be able to sing along. I want to find and enjoy all of that with the Love of My Lifetime, whoever he turns out to be… and lots of other “fun things.” I had forgotten those goals, in favor of learning my new management job. I had done exactly what I coach against… “Don’t give up on your dreams, while you make a living.”
As soon as I realized that I had been operating on auto-pilot, I almost immediately felt my slump of the last year dissipate. I had things to do and things to look forward to doing. I have a mission, and that is not only to live in touch with Joy, but to have fun, too!

Carolyn Myss suggests that our SoulMates aren’t the loves of our lifetime and meant to stay with us, but rather, are the transient souls who drop in for a moment to give us the wake-up calls we need along the way. If that’s the case, then this friend from my past is one of my SoulMates. Thank you for reminding me to have fun. Thank you for motivating me to continue pursuing the things I most want to experience in this lifetime. Thank you for helping me see the dust on the shelves and the clutter on the counter. Because my little corner of the world isn’t as good as it could be, it’s time to make some adjustments.
So, how about it, everyone? What do you do for fun?

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Weathering the Weather

There was a Facebook Quiz, today, on my MSN homepage:
“It’s nearly Spring. What’s your favorite part of this time of year?
A. The change to warmer (hopefully drier) weather
B. Seasonal foods like asparagus, peas and morels
C. The colorful fashion updates

Is anyone shocked that choice “A” won out by 84%? I think we all know how much the weather influences our moods and how we feel, physically. What we may not know is why.
You may already know that vitamin D supports bone strength, but did you know it’s also critical to building and maintaining the neurotransmitters in our brains, as well as supporting immune function? Sunshine helps our bodies make vitamin D and a lack of sunshine may contribute to a shortage. We also get a surge of endorphins (the “feel good” hormones), just by being in natural settings, and in the winter, we’re not out in nature nearly as much as we’re likely to be in friendlier months. Without that nature boost, we may experience fewer “feel good” hormone surges. Lastly, because the weather doesn’t allow for as much physical activity and shorter days promote more lethargy (triggering a hibernation response), our bodies can lose energy and our moods can follow suit.   

What do we do about something over which we have absolutely no control having such a tremendous influence on the level of joy we may be able to access at any given time? Answer: We find other ways to feed ourselves the Vitamin D, release the endorphins, and maintain stable temperatures and comfort. Here are my top 3 suggestions:

1. Get your Vitamin D! Although there’s some controversy about whether or not tanning beds are a good option for this, they aren’t. They are now listed as a carcinogen in the same category as cigarettes! 400-1000 IU are recommended daily allowances, and in the winter, you should move toward the higher side of supplementation. Canned tuna or salmon have anywhere from 200-800 IU so try to incorporate those into your diet. Not sure what you can stand to eat in the canned salmon category? Try recipes from the experts: http://www.alaskaseafood.org/canned/recipes/appetizer.html  Another option? Swap your non-fat latte for a vanilla soy misto and save on calories while upping your intake by at least 50 IU per drink.

2. Keep indoor plants and pictures of nature at the ready. Research shows that the brain responds to only seeing pictures of the sun, the beach, trees, and flowers, in the very same way it responds to taking a walk through the real thing. In addition, cut flowers are available all year, and a small bouquet by your bed table has been shown to help you get up on the right side of the bed. Fill your house with these visuals and take a minute to enjoy them. http://www.art.com/gallery/id--b1833/scenic-posters.htm

3. Let there be light. When sufferers of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a depressive disorder triggered by dreary days and a lack of summer light, relief can be found with some simple home solutions. Don’t be a scrooge about turning on your lights; use full spectrum light bulbs, too, at least in the rooms you spend the most time; keep your rooms bright when you are awake, and dark when you sleep. Keep windows uncovered; eat tryptophan rich foods which are not as likely to add to your middle as, say, the donut you are craving. Turkey, bullion, and whole grains are good options; exercise daily, even if it’s just a walk on the treadmill. If you haven’t yet discovered Planet Fitness, at $10/month with no contract, it’s the perfect commitment to make to yourself and enhancing own best mood.

Take heart. Summer is coming, days are getting longer, spring bulbs are sprouting. Get yourself ready to peel off those winter layers and become active, again. Hibernation season is over, regardless of what color the sky is today. Enjoy yourself, wherever you are, as you watch the world and yourself come alive again!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Email Error

I have an email address that has been compromised. It’s not my official one. It’s an extra one that I get for free through my internet provider. It’s simply shelly@... And, apparently, I’m not the only Shelly on the planet who used that email address. There’s some Michelle, somewhere, who uses this as well. About half of the emails I receive at this address are meant for her. I know this, because they are from a grade school coach who talks about her son making it to the bus on time; or an auto insurance company who thanks her for requesting a quote; or from countless other web addresses to whom I diligently Unsubscribe, just so my email box won’t be cluttered. I know that I was never meant to receive this email:
I showered and shaved............... I adjusted my tie.
I got there and sat.............. In a pew just in time.
Bowing my head in prayer......... As I closed my eyes.

I saw the shoe of the man next to me.....
Touching my own. I sighed.
With plenty of room on either side...... I thought,
"Why must our soles touch?"

It bothered me, his shoe touching mine...
But it didn't bother him much.
A prayer began: "Our Father"............. I thought,
"This man with the shoes.. has no pride.

They're dusty, worn, and scratched. Even worse,
there are holes on the side!"
"Thank You for blessings," the prayer went on.
The shoe man said............... a quiet "Amen."

I tried to focus on the prayer....... But my thoughts were on his shoes again
Aren't we supposed to look our best.. When walking through that door?

"Well, this certainly isn't it," I thought, Glancing toward the floor.
Then the prayer was ended............ And the songs of praise began.

The shoe man was certainly loud...... Sounding proud as he sang.
His voice lifted the rafters......... His hands were raised high.
The Lord could surely hear.. The shoe man's voice from the sky.

It was time for the offering......... And what I threw in was steep.
I watched as the shoe man reached.... Into his pockets so deep.
I saw what was pulled out............ What the shoe man put in.
Then I heard a soft "clink" . as when silver hits tin.

The sermon really bored me.......... To tears, and that's no lie.
It was the same for the shoe man..... For tears fell from his eyes.
At the end of the service........ As is the custom here!
We must greet new visitors.. And show them all good cheer.
But I felt moved somehow............. And wanted to meet the shoe man
So after the closing prayer.......... I reached over and shook his hand.
He was old and his skin was dark..... And his hair was truly a mess.
But I thanked him for coming......... For being our guest.

He said, "My names' Charlie.......... I'm glad to meet you, my friend."
There were tears in his eyes......... But he had a large, wide grin!
"Let me explain," he said........... Wiping tears from his eyes.
I've been coming here for months.... And you're the first to say" Hi".

"I know that my appearance........."Is not like all the rest.
"But I really do try................."To always look my best."
"I always clean and polish my shoes.."Before my very long walk.
"But by the time I get here........."They're dirty and dusty, like chalk."

My heart filled with pain............ and I swallowed to hide my tears.
As he continued to apologize......... For daring to sit so near.
He said, "When I get here..........."I know I must look a sight.
"But I thought if I could touch you.."Then maybe our souls might unite."

I was silent for a moment............ Knowing whatever was said.
Would pale in comparison... I spoke from my heart, not my head.
"Oh, you've touched me," I said......"And taught me, in part;
"That the best of any man............"Is what is found in his heart."
The rest, I thought,................. This shoe man will never know.
Like just how thankful I really am... That his dirty old shoe touched my SOUL!

You are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.
I respect you, and truly cherish you.
Send this to your friends,
No matter how often you talk, Or how close you are,
And send it to the person who sent it to you.

Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will. Remember, everyone needs a friend.

Someday you might feel like you have no friends at all.
Just remember this and take comfort in knowing that someone out there cares about you…  and always will.
Like sunsets are a gift of nature, but not, specifically my gift; like an easy commute is an accidental gift of chance, but not a gift meant for my convenience; like a sale price on the very thing I need the most is a gift of luck, but not some cosmic gift of generosity on my behalf, this email was never meant to be a gift for me.
Or was it?
Have a beautiful day, and look for all the things that you don’t think were meant for you. They were. Little gifts are hidden everywhere!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Examples from Unexpected Sources

I have given-up drive-thru food. Although I expect a relapse, anytime, I have avoided eating food that comes in a fast food sack for almost 6 weeks, now. I have not, however, given up on the one dollar, large, unsweetened tea that McDonald’s so proudly serves. Last Wednesday morning, I went through the drive through before work and was so stunned by the greeting I received from the young man who handed me my drink that I had to pull over, park the car and go in to find the manager.

When the manager approached me, I could tell she was nervous. She smiled politely and asked if she could help me, to which I replied, “Yes, please. Do you see that young man at the drive through window?” I asked her, pointing in that direction. She nodded. “Do you know what he said to me?”

“No, ma’am.” She was quiet and cautious, waiting to hear what I said and bracing for the worst.

“He said, ‘Thank you for choosing McDonald’s. I hope you have a wonderful day. And please, drive safely.”

I smiled. The manager smiled, too, but a little warily. I continued, “I’ve been going through drive-thrus for about 25 years, now, and I have to say, I have never been greeted so sincerely. I wanted you to know that he’s doing a great job, and you are doing a great job. Thank you so much. He made my day.”

And she smiled bigger. Later, I was told by another patron who followed me out of the restaurant, she gave that employee a big “High 5,” and they smiled and laughed, together.

I am not naïve. I know that employees are coached to say, “Please,” and “Thank you,” and “Have a nice day.” I even know that some employees like to put their own spin on it, and say, “Have a great day,” or “Have an incredible day,” in an effort to help people hear the greeting, instead of allowing it to be just another bit of polite noise we exchange with each other. But I have never been told to drive safely, and certainly not with the full eye contact and smile that conveyed such earnest well-wishes. How simple. How impactful.

I don’t know what the rest of the day was like for that employee or for that manager. I do know that the rest of my day, I was happy. I was happy that someone cared about his job. I was happy that someone cared about the customer. I was happy that someone cared about, and seemed proud of, her employees and her own effect on the team. The entire exchange inspired me. Through some form of psychological transference, I then saw my own team as people who cared about their jobs and their customers, and who were proud of themselves and their effect on the team. I am sure that my renewed outlook allowed me to talk to them with more care and enthusiasm than I may have on other days before.

You never know exactly who might set an example for you, or what small thing you might do, today, to set an example for someone else. When I think about that simple exchange, and how great an impact it had on me and, therefore, the people with whom I interacted that day, I realize just how powerful our human connection can be. I hope to remember this example for a long time, and continue to pattern myself after that young man who handed me a glass of tea through a drive-thru window.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Social Media

There was an old joke that asked: what are top three ways to pass information to others?

Answer: Telephone, Television, and Tell a woman.

Now, I think that punch line would have to be: IPad, IPhone, and IPosted it on Facebook.
In some ways, social media with all of the constant updating annoys me. It seems almost ridiculous that we post less than news-worthy information as freely as we do, as if we are certain that the world is so amazed with us that everyone deserves to know whether we ate traditional Cheerios this morning or Honey Nut.  What is this craving we have to be known? We want people to see our pictures, to know that we are shopping at Target, to read what we are thinking. In some ways, this blog is a testament to that, as well. After all, apparently I imagine, possibly as some subtle sign of my own arrogance, that people may just want to hear my thoughts on subjects like red shoes, love, and… well… social media.

Perhaps, though, this tweeting and updating is more of a reflection of our mobility than of our arrogance or curiosity. In years past, when families rarely ventured out of their home towns, it may have been easier to keep track of one another. We saw each other, I imagine, at the drug stores or walking downtown. We probably passed one another on sidewalks where we said things like, “I just had the best spaghetti at Sally’s mom’s diner. Did you know they had spaghetti there?” There was something friendly, I suppose, about sharing the non-earth-shattering details like, “Jody fell from the swing, so I’m here to buy some mercurochrome.” After all, everyone can spout the headlines, but only the most trusted and intimate of our friends know the nitty-gritty happenings of our daily lives.
Perhaps, for the 21st century, social media is our way of maintaining some of what Mayberry had to offer. We can gossip, share our thoughts, ideas, fears and situations in a way we might have shared with our druggist, our barber, our filling station attendant in previous decades. Since we aren’t as likely to pass our friends on the sidewalk anymore, we can substitute the posting of our little one-liners to pass information through our profile pages. We may have become busier and more removed from others, but clearly, we’re not willing to live without some way to tell someone a funny joke we just heard.

It’s important to feel connected, to think that someone cares what made us happy today (which they can “Like,” if it makes them happy, too) or watch as a quote we thought was interesting spurs conversations between our friends who live hundreds of miles apart. We can move out of our parent’s homes, out of the towns of our childhoods, across or completely out of the country. Still, thanks to social media, no matter how mobile we have become, we can feel connected to the people in our community by sharing those little, day-in-the-life details that only friends care to hear. 

I guess when I think of it like passing a neighbor on the street and saying, “Hi! I’m headed to the grocery. Do you know if peaches are on sale?” I don’t mind all the Tweeting one bit. In fact, it makes the world seem a little more like a small town and just a little friendlier. So, if you’ll please excuse me, I think I’ll go update my status. And while I’m at it, I’ll look for yours and hope it reveals that you are having a joy-filled day!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Talking it Out

Lately, between a few vacation days, a holiday and my generalized lack of inspiration, I have not been writing at all. I suppose you may not have missed my “weekly” blog, but in case you did, let me just say that I took a break. Now that the nation is looking at another mass killing, however, I thought I might just weigh-in, because talking (or in my case, writing) is one of the most efficient ways to process information.

My questions are probably common ones… What kind of a person opens fire in a movie theater? What did he hope to accomplish? How will families heal from this? How will those who suffered wounds best recover not only from the physical wounds, but also from the emotional trauma? How will they cope with, maybe, never knowing why this happened at all?

That’s the issue: coping. It seems that one of the natural consequences of being human is that we must continually cope. We cope with the stresses of our jobs, of our family obligations, of financial pressures. We cope with losses, and heartbreak, and questions which will never have an answer. It really doesn’t matter what side of the fence we are on… whether we are close to a situation like this shooting or far removed, just the fact that it happened throws something else onto our proverbial Coping Plate.

When we are faced with shocking information, something that throws us off the train, so to speak, from our regular patterns of thought, we cannot just continue on our normal route. Something is forever changed. Sorting through that change takes time, and talking, and the support of other people who care.

People of Aurora, CO, please know that we all care. We, like you, are asking questions, trying to make some sense of this. Perhaps, as I do when I am thrown off track, you may find that you need a sabbatical… a break from the news stories, a break from the retrospection, a break from feeling sadness, or survivor’s guilt (find info here), or fear for the state of man. I hope you will give yourselves the opportunity to heal from this gaping wound. I hope you will look for resources. I hope you will journal, rest, work, and grieve your way through this, however you must.

And when you feel the weight of your sadness might be too much to bear, please talk. As the wise Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once said,

                  “Well it has been said that there is no grief like the grief which does not speak.”

You must talk about this. And we will. And together, we will find our own tracks, again.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Proving or Discovering

I am sitting here with a tube that goes into my nostril and down the back of my throat. It’s not great. It’s not as horrible as it sounds, but it’s not great. Nonetheless, I am only suffering this for 24 hours, in the name of science. A research project in which I volunteered to participate is going to be checking my acid levels all night. I know that research finds ways to help most people, most of the time, in most average circumstances, so I never mind participating in studies. I also know that almost no situation is average, and “most” means, by definition, that some are left out. Sometimes, this lack of consideration for the some who are left out gets so frustrating to me that I spout out things like, “Numbers lie!” and “Live by the people in front of you, not by the research you’ve read in some book!” as if I give no credence whatsoever to research findings. I do, of course, as evidenced by the fact that I’m willing to have a tube up my nose for 24 hours, but I also believe that once you’ve determined through research what to most often expect, you should still expect anything at all.  

I could say the same thing about living your dreams. Sometimes we get so stuck in what “usually” happens, or what “has happened 1000 times before,” or what we’ve seen happen to everyone else, that we stop imagining what our own, most joyful life could be. Or, we’re so concerned about the side-effects that have been proven “might” befall us that we resist the impetus to move.

If we stop looking at our lives as much like researchers and start looking at our lives more like discoverers, joy will naturally follow. The difference? Researchers start with a premise, something they believe to be true based on what they already know… “I know that I cannot fly.” Then they set about to prove it, by dropping things that do not fly and saying, “I have the evidence that flight is impossible. All the times I tried, nothing flew.”

Discoverers start with a dream… “I would love to fly.” Then they set about brainstorming methods, and imagining and studying things that do fly, and making models, and learning as they go about what not to do, and one day they announce, “Look! I’ve discovered a way for man to fly!” It’s an important distinction. And in our lives, it’s important for us to know what we’ve set out to prove versus what we’ve set out to discover, if we are to live joyfully.
Are you proving that your job is horrible, by recounting everything that is difficult or every person you dislike? Or are you discovering all of the incredible ways you get to contribute and experience yourself… as compassionate, team-spirited, creative, or whatever…

Are you proving that the economy is bad, by focusing on what you’ve lost or are losing? Or are you discovering exciting ways to enjoy your life with less money… enjoying your inner-chef by cooking at home, marveling at your own discipline in paying off your smallest credit card balance…

I don’t actually know if the scientist who required this tube to be placed in a subject’s nose is researching (“… I already believe healthy people have this much acid production, now I need to prove it…”) or if he is discovering (“… I dream to find a cure for acid reflux, and to do that, I am studying acid…”). I hope it’s the latter. And I hope that you and I will always start with the dream of what can be, instead of the premise of whatever evidence we see around us, and joyfully set about discovering that dream.   

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Father's Day, 2012

Today I went to a body shop to get an estimate to have my car repainted. I thought it was a random idea… something I’d been thinking of doing for a year and just happened to do today. I’m wondering now, however, if it wasn’t something more… something cosmically connected to this anniversary on which we celebrate our fathers. You see, the moment I walked into that shop, the “shop smells,” like the smell of oil and solvents and dust and whatever else makes a garage smell like a garage, filled my nose and reminded me of being a child… and reminded me of my dad.  


My dad raced motocross when I was a little girl. On Saturdays, dad would practice. On Sundays he would race. He was very good! Although I didn’t fully understand the concept of endorsements at my early age of five or six years old, for several years in a row, my dad would come home with a brand new bike with all the matching gear. I especially remember the Bultaco year, because I knew what bulls were, and I knew what tacos were, and that bike was my favorite, if for no other reason than because I could relate.  
I liked watching my dad race. And I liked hanging around while he chatted with his buddies after the race, complaining about the guy who was “squirrelly” in the second heat or the wash-out under the third jump. I’m amazed at how much, having always been a bit prissy and hateful of all things dirty, I loved being at the races. There, I felt cool... like I was part of a world of winners. On Thursday nights, though, dad wrenched on his bike in whatever garage he found, getting it ready for the weekend. In the middle of those greasy rags and ratchets clicking bolts tighter, I wasn’t only part of a world of winners, I was part of the grease-monkey crowd… the workers... the ones that made the winning possible.
That is the place I visited today when I stepped into the garage, not just the one from 2012 where I went to get an estimate, but also the one from 1973:  where dad was 28 years old and laughing, studying his bike, sometimes cussing; where the sound of the revving motorcycles in the garage was almost deafening, and exhilarating, too; and where the cloud of blue smoke in the room hurt my eyes. Today, I was reminded of winning, of the feeling of knowing winning is possible, and of appreciating all of the work it takes to win.  
Research unsurprisingly shows what we already know from experience: scents originally associated with various experiences will produce intense memories of those experiences, when present at a later time. With that level of recall possible, (not just a memory... more visceral than that), it makes me wonder if we shouldn’t be using smells more intentionally. Oh, sure. I light a candle, because it smells good, or because I want to create an “atmosphere,” but what if I selected scents that actually reminded me of life-lessons, or gave me that extreme sense of knowing, or almost physically hurled me back to the time when I felt my most secure and certain? For me, it wouldn’t be Lavender, or Vanilla, or Eucalyptus, though each of those is a perfectly fine smell. It would be Beef Stroganoff on the Stove, and Mom’s Hair Spray, and, very definitely, Two-Cycle Engine Exhaust. Ha! Glade probably wouldn’t sell a lot of that.
So, how about it? What smell would remind you of winning, and possibilities, and a time when the world was safe and wide open?  I hope they are easy for you to find and enjoy. Have a beautiful and memorable Father’s Day, remembering, knowing and appreciating. And if you happen to be a dad, never underestimate the impact of letting your children into your world. Even when they are not the focus of your attention, these are the times they learn to be winners. Thanks for letting me tag along, dad. I’ll never forget.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Archetypes

Over the weekend, I ran across a tape series that I have from Carolyn Myss, and in this series, she talks about archetypes (labels that imply entire character sketches). Although this author can be a little “out there,” for some, essentially Carolyn’s pictures are simply the language she uses to talk about the thoughts that so often govern our actions or steal our motivations. I could have applied archetypes to my writing, which I put-off more than I do, or clearing my house of clutter. I chose to focus on my physical health, first.

For quite some months, my most authentic self has been saying, “I want to be in better shape, more ready to face the world with a strong body and mind.” I’ve really been trying to determine why, when I know I feel better when I take care of myself, I am not motivated to do it. So, I listened to my thoughts just after I said, “I am going to eat better and walk every day.”

Almost immediately, my inner Child said, “Ok. But can we have candy first? I’ve been very good, today and I know where there is a Payday bar with your name on it!”

And my Saboteur said, “You know you want this bag of Doritos. Why don’t you just go for a walk after you eat this bag of Doritos,” negotiating road blocks into my path.

And my Victim spoke out and said, “You had a really hard day at work, today. And people have been mean to you. You really deserve to check out the new Five Guys burger place. Delicious!”

And then, my inner Prostitute said, “It’s totally worth trading your self-esteem for food. How much damage can one little quesadilla do? I’m hungry. And a girl’s gotta’ eat.”

Normally, any one of those reasons would have allowed me to cheerfully reach for a snack and nestle into the sofa. Yesterday and today, however, I said to my Child, “Yes, you have been a very good girl, so I’m going to go out and play with you.” Then I went for a walk.

And to my saboteur I said, “I might like that bag of Doritos, but I’ll decide after my walk,” after which I was pleased to find I didn’t feel like a bit like eating a bag of Doritos.

And to my victim I said, “You’re right. I have been mistreated, today, so now I will make my own decisions.” I decided that I need a strong, healthy body to pursue my real dreams.

And to my prostitute I said, “No. We don’t have to compromise, today. We’ll eat a delicious meal after the walk, and won’t have to trade anything, at all.”

It’s interesting to me, to recognize all of the parts of me weighing-in on my decisions. Not just in the area of exercise, but in all areas of my life. My list of excuses is extensive and always at the ready. In Christianity, we call it human frailty or sin. Flip Wilson famously said, "The Devil made me do it!" Carolyn calls it archetypes. Either way, I have to say that it feels pretty great to be in charge, for once, standing up to all my excuses and saying, “Yeah. That’s a good thought, but it’s not holding water, today. Let’s move on with reckless abandon toward living my dreams, instead.”

Sunday, June 3, 2012

A Note of Gratitude

I had the pleasure this weekend of helping to conduct a seminar in North Carolina. It was a wonderful experience where I was able to work with a good friend of mine and also make a lot of new friends. For me, one of the best byproducts of doing one of these seminars is that it forces me to re-evaluate myself and my own conduct in relation to what I know to be true. Preparing to speak on the subject of joy, hope, faith and love required me over the last few weeks to spend time both analyzing how I experience those states of being in my own life, and also finding a way to articulate how I reconnect to and engage them when they are buried under the business of my daily activities. It is no small thing that this room full of new friends afforded me the opportunity for this self-examination by inviting me to speak, and I am overcome with gratitude.
Here are three ultimate truths that have been put back into my conscious mind, since I started preparing a few weeks ago:
1. People and things can delight me and help me to feel happy, but true joy comes from faith that, ultimately, all is well with my soul, regardless of what challenges I am facing.
2. Some of the best, most inspired times of my life have followed some of the most difficult challenges I have faced. If it’s difficult, it’s probably the thing most worth doing.
3. God is incessantly working behind the scenes, conspiring on my behalf. Therefore, I may see challenges for what they are: a rearranging of my circumstances to make room for everything I am made to experience and enjoy in this life.  
I think these things are difficult to remember when life feels as disheveled and scattered as an overturned applecart, but I think they are equally hard to remember when life is just plain busy. Thank you, my new friends, for reminding me that all is well, that whatever busy-ness and stress occurred from  preparing over the last several weeks was worth every minute, and for being that ‘behind the scenes’ blessing God had in store for me, all along! And thank you, too, to my veteran friends who have worked with me and helped me discover these truths, not just these last couple of weeks, but over a lifetime. 
I hope that, whatever challenges you face this week, you are able to bring these truths to your own consciousness, find evidence that they are true in your own life, and use them to reconnect you to your joy. Have a beautiful June!




Sunday, May 20, 2012

Imposing Conditions

I am a Christian… a real-live, educated, questioning, faithful and skeptical Christian. I wonder about which parts of Scripture to take literally, and which parts to read like parables, and I think God doesn’t mind that I wonder. I think He’s glad I’m using the curiosity He instilled in me to find out more about my relationship with Him. I pray and cry out to God in my desperate moments and I laugh and thank Him out loud in my happiest of times. Sometimes, I shake my head and roll my eyes, and say toward the sky,  “Are you kidding me? What is this about?” in pure disgust, and do you know what? He doesn’t seem to be a bit intimidated by my irritations.

I know He knows me, because He made me, but I can feel that He knows me, because I let Him be with me. I don’t save pieces of sacred time to be reverent, and then un-invite Him into my less proud moments. He’s been there when I’ve dotted my speech with expletives and when I’ve felt so much animosity I wanted to spit on a person. He knows I have trouble with forgiveness, and He has, <gasp!> seen me drunk. I have spent time with Him walking in nature and being in awe of His greatness, and I have been silly and giddy at some of the fun things He has allowed me to see, feel, smell, hear and taste in this world.

I love Him. And I’m not ashamed of Him. But I have to say, I’m not going to forward an email just because it says that if I don’t, I’m not really a Christian. When I receive these emails, almost no matter how cool the content, I don't forward it. It's the principle of the thing. I will not be manipulated by some email authors determination that if his email doesn't go viral, then it must have landed in the hands of non-Christians. Yet, some part of me, some tiny voice from deep in the dark corners of doubt, says, "If you are not ashamed of Him, why don't you pass this on?"

I think that the imposition of conditional requirements may be one of the great joy thieves of our time. If we are not driving the right car, we’re not cool. If we aren’t thin enough, we aren’t pretty. If we don’t get a promotion, we aren’t smart. If one, particular person doesn’t love us, we aren’t lovable. Please. There is a big difference between evaluating what might be improved and allowing yourself to grow, and chastising yourself and making a lot of unhelpful conditional judgments. In one case, the If-Then is an acknowledgement of action preceding consequence, which, in this world, sometimes holds true. (If I put my bare hand on a hot stove, for example, then I will burn my hand.) The opposite of the evaluative If-Then, however, is the incorrect assertion that some action indictates some permanent and subjective condition. Be careful so that you don’t allow all of the email-like thoughts that come into your mental Inbox to have an “If… then you would,” attached.

For this week, try to hear yourself every time you say, think, or hear, “If… then…” Sometimes, it’s an important way to review action and consequence. Sometimes, though, it’s just a manipulation tactic with relatively little basis in truth. Can you tell the difference?

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day, 2012


Have you seen the “You’re Doing Ok Mom,” Johnsons Baby commercial? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yotq4zr0dRc)

There really should be one for moms of older kids, too, like one that I might have written when I was in middle school, which could have gone like this:

… I can call you mom, right? I mean, you’re not still mad about that whole screaming and slamming my door thing, are you? I know we’ve known each other about thirteen years now, and I think I know everything, and I hate everything that comes out of your mouth, but you seem like a real keeper. You’re not perfect, (there was that whole not-letting-me-get-my-ears-pierced thing), but you’re trying.

You ask me if I’m ok when I’m sulking, even though you know I’m going to say, “I’m fine, leave me alone!” and that’s highly important to a thirteen year old. You hum while we’re doing chores together and pretend you don’t notice that I’m acting like a brat, slamming things around as if I’m very put out to have to pick up my own socks. So cool. And when I’m laying face down on my bed, crying about the ‘mean girls’ or my latest boyfriend fiasco, the way you rub my head and tell me it will be ok is out of this world.

Anyway, I want you to know how much I appreciate you. You know, right, how much I love you? You’re doing ok, mom.

Or, maybe there should be one for now:

… I am so glad I get to call you my mom. We’ve known each other over 40 years now, and you are definitely a keeper. I’m not perfect, but am closer to that because of everything you’ve taught me over the years. And I’m trying (to be more like you).

You pick me up when I’m feeling less than great about myself. That’s the high art of comfort only a mother could provide. You hum to the radio when we’re in the car together. So cool. And your hugs are out of this world.

Anyway, I want you to know how much I appreciate you. You know, right, how much I love you? You’re doing ok, mom.

Happy Mother’s Day to moms all over the world, and especially my own.

You’re doing ok. 

Monday, April 30, 2012

The Good Life

Living “The good life.” That’s what we call it when wine is just a little more delicious, beds are a little softer, rooms are a little better decorated. As I sit here at the glorious W Hotel in San Francisco (just long enough to write this blog), I had the thought, “Ok. This is the good life.” I just finished a lovely breakfast that was a pretty as it was delicious (fresh fruit with honey infused yogurt drizzle and applewood smoked bacon), and am now perusing a catalog left in my room by the bliss spa, contemplating which of the nearly 100 options of pampering I might like to try while I’m here.

I am absolutely enthralled with this kind of living. I relish the anticipation of whatever fabulous foods await me in San Francisco, and I am purely delighted that my hotel room offers complimentary bottled water and bliss brand body butter. I wonder, though if Barry Schwartz might just be right. In his book, “The Paradox of Choice,” Schwartz makes the point that we get numbed to the good and bad of things, based on what our regular habits become. If we regularly drink the best wines and stay in the best hotels, for example, then our lavishness becomes “normal,” and therefore, not quite as satisfying, while anything less becomes quite the dissatisfier. Based on this information, it would seem that experiencing the “best of things” on a too regular basis leads, paradoxically, to less joy.

Have you ever heard, “Don’t save that good crystal for special occasions, use it every day, because every day is a special occasion?” I think the main point of that statement is to say that there is something special and beautiful in every day regardless of the circumstances that day brings. I subscribe to that theory. Nonetheless, are we turning ourselves into veritable amenity addicts, wherein we are forced to look for the next big high, ever pushing the envelope of luxury to the point that, because everything is special, nothing is special, anymore? It could be. And if that’s the case, then our relative discontent could be stealing our joy right out from under us.

So, what is the solution? Schwartz suggests practicing some self-deprivation. Go back to the times when you did save the good china for special occasions, so that you have some ritual that elevates the events in your life above the everyday experiences. I think this deprivation strategy is extreme. I think, actually, it is the variety, not the actual deprivation, that keeps us joyful and allows us to appreciate life. For example, during the perfect day that was yesterday, I wore blue jeans and ate a corn dog from a street vendor, with three close friends. Then, I had the pleasure of donning a little black dress and enjoying a lovely meal of lobster risotto and scallops in a chandeliered dining room, with new acquaintances. It wasn’t just the crystal that made the day, it was the contrast.

The thing about “The Good Life,” is that it’s all good. It’s good to use the good crystal, and it’s good to get out the plastic cups and eat on the porch. It’s good to eat blackened filet mignon with bleu cheese crumbles, and it’s good to eat a hotdog piled high with Hormel chili from a can. Variety may be more than the spice of life, it may be the absolute joy of it. And variety can help us remain in touch with our joy, because it reminds us that it’s all “The Good Life.”

If you find yourself feeling less than joyful, ask yourself what routine has numbed you. What will you do this week to mix it up? What will you do to feel more relaxed than usual, or feel more luxurious? How will you be making your life, “The Good Life?”      

Sunday, April 22, 2012

The Restorative Niche


I went to see my grandmother this weekend, and had the pleasure of listening to a fabulous book-on-tape during my 13 hours in the car. The book was, “Quiet,” by Susan Cain and is an exploration of introverts vs. extroverts. The insight offered here was so delightful, that it gave me yet another piece to the puzzle of how to find and remain in touch with joy, despite all circumstances.

Introversion is, according to Cain, a word that describes the kind of people who like deep, personal subjects of conversation more than they like “small talk.” They prefer gatherings of a few close friends to a large cocktail party of who’s-who. They can thoroughly enjoy people, even crowds of people, but will tire of the stimulation more quickly than the extrovert. Extroverts get “cabin fever,” more readily, and need people, so they will go out for the weekend, plan a party, and choose to go somewhere loud, exciting, and stimulating. They are most likely to be the last to leave a big party, and thrive on the energy of big crowds.

I appreciate those definitions, and think, at the heart of me is an introvert. Recognizing myself as having traits of the introvert makes it easier for me to understand why I, a self-proclaimed public speaker who has no trouble singing in public, often feel the need to seclude myself. It helps me understand why 6 hours in a car, without the radio, speaking to no one is time I treasure. That has always felt like a contradiction in me, and now, it makes perfect sense. Not that I need a label to define myself or anyone else, but somehow, I have now been given permission to be enthusiastic, positive and friendly, yet also crave time to stay at home with only a good book for company.

If you have read my blogs for long, you may know that I often recommend retreating (meditation, taking a walk by yourself, turning off the television) as strategies for remaining in touch with your joy. “Quiet,” however, in defining introversion and extroversion so simply, has made me realize that perhaps my advice is not appropriate. At least, not for all of you. There may be those of you who work tirelessly through the week on projects or other things that demand your rapt attention, and you don’t need to decrease your stimulation at all, but rather would be restored by going to someplace loud, elbow-to-elbow, and high energy in order to recharge. As someone who avoids those kinds of crowded, noisy places, I would never have considered that. Some of you, like me, want less stimulation to recharge, and others of you need more. Cain calls this, “Finding your restorative niche.”

If your restorative niche is found in quiet places and times, then you need to give yourself permission to decline the invitation to go out on Friday, after a long week. Take a moment for yourself. If you are more extroverted, however, then you should be finding your way to the nearest “support group,” full of fun, loud-talking, joke telling, happy people, and jolting yourself back to life. Naturally, I don’t think this is a one-size-fits-all prescription, and this little commentary isn’t really meant to summarize all that I got out of, “Quiet.” However, I’d be remiss if I didn’t share these new strategies I’ve found for remaining in touch with joy.

So, dear reader, I ask you: are you more or less an introvert or an extrovert? Whichever you discover, use that information to find your niche, and have a great week of restoration!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Speaking the Language

Once in awhile, we get patients on the hospital unit where I work who do not speak English. This presents a particular challenge, of course, because simple questions like, “Are you in pain?” are not easily understood or answered. Because of the issues that arise with this, we have translators available to come to the room, 24/7, at the hospital where I work. Still, it’s not very practical to have a translator come to the floor every time the call light is ringing, or a meal tray is delivered. (Who wants to wait for 20 minutes for a translator to arrive, just to get an extra pillow or receive food while it’s hot?) Sometimes, I am left to my own devices, using pictures and some modified form of Charades to solve minor issues quickly. It is at these times that I wonder if my caring shows. I wonder if my expression conveys how much I want this patient to feel better, to feel safe in my care, or to be as comfortable as possible.

Yesterday, as a present to myself, I got a pedicure. The gentleman who gave me the pedicure was Asian, and it was apparent very quickly that he did not speak much English. He held up a bottle of polish with a question in his eyes, as if to say, “This color?” Yes. I smiled and nodded. He would smile, or raise his eyebrows in another question, and we somehow communicated… “No, that’s not too hard,” “No, that doesn’t hurt,” “Yes, that spot is sore.” He worked carefully, and I could tell that he was being particular on my behalf.

Researchers disagree on how much of communication is based on actual words, as opposed to body language, expression, and tone or inflection. Some say 40%, some say only 7%. Regardless, it is well accepted that certainly less than half of all communication between humans relies on language. When I consider that, then I am assured that, just as I understood that my pedicurist cared about my comfort, so are my patients able to tell that I care about theirs.

When I am working, I am very careful to monitor my own tone of voice or body language when I enter patients’ rooms. Whether the patient speaks English or not, I never want them to sense my frustration, and I never want them to sense if I do not think they are doing well. Nothing is as frightening to a patient, I think, as seeing their caregiver display a lack of confidence. They want to see concern without worry, confidence without arrogance, and compassion without pity. I wonder, though, if I am as careful with the other people in my life. Do I huff out an exasperated breath that says, “You are such a burden to me,” when I am behind a woman in the express grocery line, because she has more than 15 items? Do I roll my eyes and look away when a co-worker says something with which I disagree, as if to say, “How ridiculous”? Do I give quick, one word answers when I am impatient and ready to move onto something else, conveying, “Your thoughts do not matter to me”?

Yes. I’m afraid I do all of these things, and more. The things that I would never allow myself to express to a patient, or say out loud to anyone, I communicate pretty regularly to friends, colleagues, and people I love. That is not ok. This week, I’m going to monitor all of my own non-verbal cues, and see if what I am “saying” through those cues is what I want people to hear. Chances are, if I’m not able to say those things directly, then it is not. I may never be an expert in “speaking” the language, but I’m going to keep trying to be better at non-verbally communicating that I care, that people matter, and that I mean to treat them kindly.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Word Power

Nazi leaders used it to inspire and mobilize a downtrodden nation. J.F. Kennedy used it to restore our faith in America. Individuals, every day, use it to manipulate, encourage, slander, or praise the people closest to them. As the only animal endowed with the ability to master verbal language, man has been both blessed and cursed with the immense power of speech throughout all of the ages. I wonder sometimes if we have any idea how powerful we actually are, as a result of it.

Florence Scovel-Shinn published a book, “Your Word is Your Wand,” in 1928, which acknowledged and emphasized the immense power of the spoken word, stating, “So, man has the power to change an unhappy condition by waving over it the wand of his word. In the place of sorrow appears joy, in the place of sickness appears health, in the place of lack appears plenty…”

Naturally, the spoken word has the opposite power as well. Take, for example, the very sad story I heard this week about a woman who may have died of a sudden, (stress, not plaque induced) heart attack. At last report, she was in the intensive care unit, not responding. Immediately before the attack, her husband was yelling at her, cursing her, telling her she was stupid and worthless and that he wished she was not with him. Instantly, he received his spoken wish.

Whether the words, themselves, stopped her heart or if the words caused the stress, and the stress then stopped her heart, ultimately, the words came first. Do you see how powerful words can be? Let’s make certain, at least, that we are speaking in such a way that has some chance of producing the responses we want. 

It is one thing to recognize that a situation is not to our liking and, therefore, begin to identify ways to correct it. It is quite another to invent and imagine negative outcomes and speak of them as if they are real. It’s not only that words have the power to shape a child’s self-esteem, or to encourage in times of hopelessness. It is also that words define our reality for us. If you state, for example, that you are “not a morning person,” you give yourself permission to be inconsiderate of others until noon, thus fulfilling your own prophecy.  If you say, “this project will never work,” you will look for the failure points and emphasize them in order to prove that you are correct, whether you realize you are doing that or not.

As it turns out, the childhood retort, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” just isn’t true. Be careful of your words, this week. Be aware of your dialog and ask yourself, “If I were to receive this (whatever I’m speaking) wish, would it be what I really want?” If the answer is no, change your words. Stop complaining. Speak kindly to others. Speak encouraging words to yourself. And have a lovely and powerful week.


Sunday, March 25, 2012

Balancing Act: Praise vs. Criticism

I recently heard an inspiring speech about leadership during which the speaker used Bela Karolyi and Nadia Comaneci as an example of exceptional coaching. (In case you are not old enough to remember, Nadia was the first gymnast to ever receive any perfect score in gymnastics, and Bela was her coach.) The speaker made the point that, after Nadia received seven perfect 10’s in the 1976 Montreal Olympic games, Karolyi did not stop coaching her. The speaker’s point was that the job of a leader is to continue to improve performance, even past perfect, if possible. Perhaps as a result of this, Nadia was able to master some never-before-her moves, like the double-twist dismount.

In contrast to that point is one of the things I talk about in my seminars, which is our inability to enjoy and accept our own achievements. We have a tendency to look for flaws or weaknesses in ourselves and others, always striving to improve, without giving proper credit to what we do well. I think one of the biggest challenges we have as leaders (of ourselves and of others) is to balance those two opposing philosophies. How do we give proper credit to what we do well, (collecting and proudly displaying our own “gold medals,” as it were), and also continue to work toward improvement? How do we celebrate the accomplishments of those we lead, while simultaneously encouraging their diligence in reaching for more?

It’s no revelation that one of our greatest life challenges is to achieve balance. This question of praise versus identification of improvement points is no different. Do you have trouble in one area over another? Do you congratulate and correct others in equal measure? Perhaps more importantly, do you accept congratulations and correction in equal measure? And can you accept an outcome without placing a value judgment on it? Can you say, “This didn’t work as well as I wanted, but next time I will do it another way,” without feeling defeated? (I think of Thomas Edison and his light bulb experiments. It was reported that, when an interviewer asked him if his 2000 failed experiments were discouraging, Edison replied, “I didn’t fail. I found 2000 ways that didn’t work.”) Can you seek improvement without imagining that “room for improvement” implies “failure?”

This week, pay attention to what you did well. Make a list, on Monday, of at least 5 things. They might be things like, “I didn’t cause a traffic accident on the way to work, today,” or “I finished my report on time.” Enjoy them for the week. Then, on Friday, make a list of 5 things you could do differently to improve your outcomes next time, such as, “I will block out 3 hours on my calendar, for two days, instead of using 6 hours in one day to complete my next report.”  Gather your medals, talk about them, display them, and celebrate them. Then keep working, because the joy is in the journey.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Hidden Talents

I just came from a small church service where the worship team was made of only 6 people. As I was singing along to the first song, I was thinking to myself that the music was lovely, but nothing that I would characterize as spectacular. About the time that thought crossed my mind, I became aware of the most beautiful sound. One of the 6 musicians was sitting at the back of the stage, looking down, sitting on a stool, and playing bass. Now the baseline of any song is pretty important, but not very often so amazing that people become known for playing it. Nonetheless, sometimes a bass player is allowed to “riff,” and lay overtop of all the other instruments a lithe, melodic interpretation that highlights that players talent. This was one of those moments, but with none of the fanfare of a typical solo spot. In fact, most of the crowd seemed not to even notice his “solo.”
When I looked back at the musician playing it, I noticed that he sat, himself unmoved, not showboating, not gloating, just working with that bass guitar, as if he were practicing in his own room, not performing at all. When he finished this piece, he went back to playing his more hidden rhythm line, but something had changed. All of players in the group now sounded more cohesive, the two singers more bold, the lead guitar more elegant, the keyboard more graceful, the drums more dynamic. The quality of the music had been elevated, though I doubt anyone playing was conscious of the change. Now, the music truly was spectacular.
What I love most about Nashville is what I think we all love about American Idol, or The Voice, or X-Factor: among the ordinary can be found the extraordinary, virtually hidden, in any given corner. I believe that one of the reasons we are so drawn to the concept of finding “diamonds” amidst all of the other “lumps of coal,” is because we intuitively know that we, each of us, have some hidden, extraordinary talent, just waiting to be discovered. But what if it never is (officially speaking, I mean)?
Some of us go through our days never hearing, “Thank you,” never being recognized for a job well done, and barely even looking up to see if the crowd is paying attention. Yet, our talent, our level of excellence, elevates the work of those around us. We provide support, without even knowing it, by creating an atmosphere where others can shine. We provide the baseline and enjoin our teams simply by doing what we do, to the best of our ability.
I am convinced that any one of those musicians playing could have had that effect on the group, and, no doubt, have done so, at one time or another. Today, I happened to witness it in the bass player, but the truth is that at any time, any one individual can offer his or her talent in such a way as to “raise the bar” for everyone. When any of us do our jobs well simply for the love of the work, or improve ourselves through study or experience, or even just get the proper amount of rest, we set the example for all of us. More importantly, seeing someone excel gives us permission to elevate our own relationships, our own practice, our own self-care, by opening the door to excellence.
You may never be called to the front of the stage, or given an award, or applauded, but I assure you, you do have influence. Please keep sharing with us your talents, however hidden or undiscovered you may feel they are, and know that you are helping to create the spectacular. And, in case you don’t hear it anywhere else this week, Thank You! You inspire me.