The Key to Success

In Tom Rath’s, “Strengths Finder, 2.0,” which is a book I’ve mentioned before, he gives clear descriptions of 34 different strengths. One of them is Empathy, which is to say: easily imagining what others might be thinking or feeling. It seems to me that having this particular trait might be a key component to Living in Joy. In fact, much of the advice on careers, relationships, finances, and even spirituality that I’ve read or studied over the years seems to be rooted in the very concept of empathy.

Steven Covey in “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” for example, chooses to devote two of his seven concepts to empathy. Habit 4 is, “Think Win/Win,” and Habit 5 is, “Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.” Simon Sinek, inspirational leader, talks about “Starting with Why,” which is a success strategy that is founded on the principle that successful leaders communicate by beginning with the empathetic question, “What motivations do you have?” Moms all over the world have repeated the mantra, “Treat others how you would like to be treated,” which really means that we, first, have to understand how we would like to be treated if we were that other person, with all of that person’s unique motivations, fears, concerns, history and habits.

If practicing empathy will increase our effectiveness, strengthen our relationships, and enable us to experience more satisfaction with life, then the remaining question is: how do we train ourselves to be empathetic?

First, we have to recognize that there is another person involved. Each of us is so entrenched in our own goals and wants that it’s extremely difficult to pull ourselves out of the loop, “What am I not getting? When will it be my turn?” Empathy means looking for what the other person perceives he or she is not getting, in order to understand his/her motivations. If people are resistant to you, you can bet it is because they fear not getting what they need. When you view the world from their perspective, you can help them alleviate that fear, so that you can work together to get what you both want.

Second, we have to ask ourselves, “How does what I want/need conflict with what this other person wants/needs? How does this person perceive it conflicts, even if we actually want the same results? How might I adjust my process to help this person meet his/her needs, while also meeting my own?”

Third, we have to look past the obvious demand and get to the deeper motivation. If I want to go out to dinner with my spouse, for example, and he wants to stay home and sit on the couch, how do we both get what we want? The key is to look for the objectives we each have. I want to go on a “date” with him. He wants to unwind and relax in the comfort of home. Those are the immediate demands. However, if what both of us want, as our final objective, is more intimacy, we can turn off the TV, cater-in dinner (however humble), light candles, and relax on a “date” in the living room. It may sound like compromising, but really, meeting both persons’ objectives is a “win-win,” not a compromise.

It’s not always easy. It’s work to examine and re-evaluate a seemingly simple, “I want.” It’s especially difficult to be empathetic enough to see why our “I want” is not immediately met with an, “Of course, dear.” But it’s worth it. In fact, living empathetically, at least according to nearly every great thinker I’ve ever studied, is the absolute key to successful relationships, in your home, in business, and anywhere else other people share your space.

Resources: Part 1 - Career

Finding Your Strengths

It hardly seems possible that Thanksgiving is this week! I really feel like it should still be September. What I know about Thanksgiving is that, as the holiday season comes upon us, time will only move faster. The time between now and the end of the year is going to fly past me, in a flurry of “get ready for’s” and “enjoy the moments.” Because of the speed at which 2012 is rocketing toward us, I thought it might be fun to spend the next few weeks offering you some of the most impactful and valuable resources I have found for finding joy regardless of circumstance. I will be sharing my current favorite resources in our seven major life areas: Career, Relationship, Home, Health, Finance, Spirituality and Community, in the hope that you will enter 2012 well-armed with some support you may not have had in the past. My desire is that these resources will help you, as they have helped me, remain connected to your joy throughout the year.  

This week, I am starting with Career. I want to share with you a book by Tom Rath, called “Strengths Finder 2.0.” Tom discusses that we have been a culture that focuses largely on “well-rounded” knowledge bases and behavior, but that, in focusing our efforts in that way, we miss the benefits of our individual differences. One of the reasons, for example, that we may remain frustrated in our jobs or focused on our negative outcomes instead of celebrating our achievements, is because we think we should be “Straight A’s” across the board. If, in contrast, we would concentrate more on perfecting our own specialties, we could experience more fulfillment (doing what we love in an area wherein we excel) and be more valuable (becoming true experts in our own specialties).

While the concept of capitalizing on my strengths makes perfect sense to me, I’m not certain, anymore, what my true strengths are. It seems I have spent years trying to improve my areas of weakness. However, in order to envision my best-ever life in the interest of Living in Joy, then I need to know what the best experience of myself and my unique talents would entail. This is where Tom Rath enters. His book, “Strengths Finder 2.0” is an exploration, as the title suggests, of you and your strengths.  

I encourage you to go to www.strengthsfinder.com, read his concept, and take the quiz. As it turns out, of the 34 different strengths, my top five are: Positivity, Input, Futuristic, Empathy, and Achievement. Well… of course.  The best part of Strengths Finder is that Mr. Rath doesn’t just leave you with that. He actually provides action plans for your particular strengths, so that you can get the most out of the things that come naturally to you. Now, I can see how to work within those 5 strengths to create a career focus (inside of my current job title) that is completely fulfilling to me, while also meeting corporate goals. I can also see clearly where I need to ask for help or delegate, rather than struggling to learn more, do more, or work harder to make-up for my own deficits.

Whether 2012 is going to bring you a career change or you are just looking for a way to experience that deep pulse of joy throughout your current career workday, discovering your own strengths could be a great place to begin to make a shift in your area of focus. Here’s to the best career experience you can imagine! Please post your own strengths here, if you feel like it. You never know who might be reading and need exactly the strength you possess. Enjoy your career!