Self-Centered

I read a Post-it Note cartoon the other day that said something like, “I’m tired of all of these people, always thinking of themselves. They need to be thinking about me.” (Thank you, Carrie!)

That makes me chuckle, because when something points out a ridiculous attitude and I see myself, I just have to shake my head. How often I am thinking that very thing, though I haven’t, until now, really recognized it! I’m busy. I’m exhausted. I’m trying my best. I’m overworked. I’m hungry. I’m not feeling valued. I’m not getting what I want. I, I and I. I am so aware, and somewhat annoyed, when people around me are thinking only of themselves: complaining about what their problems are, what they aren’t getting, what they wish would be different. I think to myself, “Quit complaining,” and then I tell them what my problem-of-the-day is, because I need them to think about me. Oh, the contradiction of being at once offended by self-centeredness in others and completely unaware of it in ourselves.

Ptolemy, a second century mathematician modeled the organization of the universe with earth as its center. He was certain all other stars and planets revolved around us, and he could, with some certainty, “prove” it. Americans have often been criticized by other country’s citizens for our lack of cultural and ecological awareness. Infants, developmentally speaking, cannot fathom any other people having any calling but to feed them, clothe them, and hold them. In the same way that we learned the earth is not the center of the universe, that we have a world-wide ecological obligation and an obligation to recognize the merit and beauty of different cultures, and that others are not in existence only to answer our cries, at some point we have to recognize that others are also busy, exhausted, trying their best, overworked, hungry, and feeling devalued.

It is an interesting feeling to become consciously aware of this. Since I have decided to monitor this, I have discovered how often I am focused on putting out my own fires, dealing with my own situations. I can almost feel myself resisting the notion that other people are truly doing their best, given their stressful lives and personal issues. I hear that voice in my head tell me that people who are not helpful, who give me cold French fries through the drive-through, who leave me on hold for ten minutes only to disconnect, are unprofessional, or lazy, or careless. I lament more often than I would like to admit, “Customer service! Whatever happened to basic customer service?”

Another interesting thing happens, however, when I place the lens of how I see myself, (overworked, tired, trying to do my best, frustrated to fall short, and exhausted) over others. Sure the guy who cut me off in traffic has his mind on other things… I hope he gets them handled. Of course the girl who can’t refund my money at the check-out lane seems incapable… corporate rules tie her hands. And if I am wrong when I invent a gracious reason for my being “mistreated,” or inconvenienced, so what? I feel better when I find my patience than when I’m scowling at what I perceive as ineptitude.

I really do think that people are basically the same, and that means that they are basically good, well-meaning, hard working, struggling people. And, although it’s hard to remember that concept when I’m discouraged that they don’t have my needs at the top of their priority list, I’m going to try to do better. In fact, on the days when I don’t feel particularly overwhelmed or discouraged, I’m going to try to put someone else at the top of my priority list, even above myself, because I’m sure, someone, somewhere is thinking: “I’m tired of her thinking about herself all the time. She needs to be thinking about me.” J